Admit it…there was a time, as a young boy or girl, wrestling WAS real.
From the days of channel 9 with ‘Mean’ Gene Okerlund and the up and coming Vince McMahon to the vicious beating ‘Superfly’ Jimmy Snuka took at the hands of Captain Lou Albano and the corresponding ‘censored’ logo placed across Snuka’s blood soaked forehead, anyone who challenged you to the authenticity was quickly countered with authority.
As we grew older, we quickly realized that wrestling was not what we thought it was. The realization that no man can take 40 punches to the jaw, an eye rake and get slammed into a turnbuckle a hundred times and be left standing at the end of it all.
The mood in Islanders nation the past week has been downright ornery. Like the wild west and there are no marshalls to quell the rising tide of an outright internal feud of an apocalyptic nature.
Contributor Tom Ballantyne attempts to cure some of that with this column devoted to WWE wrestling personas and their comparison to the New York Islanders. So sit back, take a deep breath, read along and smile. At least for a minute.
The Isles’ WWE personas
By: Tom Ballantyne (@tbone31592)
In Isles’ country, everyone is extremely upset over the “Thomas Vanek debacle” that occurred during trade deadline day. I figure we could all use something to smile about, and get us all in a relatively good mood again. No better way to do that than to have some fun and break down the Isles and who they’d be comparable to on today’s WWE roster. Let’s get to it.
1) Isles front office – The Authority
The comparison here is borderline hilarious. The Isles fans believe, to an extent, that the front office doesn’t want to give them what they want, a winning, competitive, playoff-caliber squad. There aren’t a lot of facts that show the other side of the coin though. Meanwhile, the Authority has refused to give the WWE Universe what they want, Daniel Bryan as WWE/World Heavyweight Champion, citing it’s what’s “best for business”. The two honestly could not be more alike to most Isles fans these days.
2) John Tavares – CM Punk
The best on the Isles’ roster is easily compared to the “Best In The World”, CM Punk. Both are missing some crucial time, and let’s face it, the WWE and the Isles, alike, are a lot better with their top talent in the lineup. Luckily for the WWE, superstars like Daniel Bryan has kept the WWE Universe happy and coming back for more.
The young-bloods of the Isles have caused quite a stir lately, much like Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns have done so for the WWE. Seeing all seven of these men, whether on the ice, or in the ring, you know something exciting is just bound to happen.
The beards and personalities alone make this threesome comparable to the Wyatt Family. Clutterbuck, Strait and McDonald lead the way in showing the boys how to “follow the buzzards”. It’s a fearsome group when all three are on their game.
Two of the older guys in Carks and Nabby remind me a lot of the NAO, yes folks, they are wrestling again. Nabby and Carks are always good for a laugh, but get down and dirty when it’s game-time.
6) Travis Hamonic – Undertaker
The lights-out, physical defenseman is easily the Undertaker of the Isles. A fearful figure coaches try to avoid their top line playing, Hammer shuts opposing lines down and causes frustration to opponents, much to the delight of the fans.
7) Casey Cizikas – Dolph Ziggler
The underrated workhorses of the Isles and WWE, respectively, Casey and Dolph are fan favorites and are willing to do anything for the team/company, one of many reasons both are highly ranked in the fan base and Universe.
8) Matt Martin – Corporate Kane
Matty hasn’t quite been himself this season, showing glimmers of his past in some games, not really playing like he should in others, kind of like Corporate Kane. He shows the anger when it’s too much for him to control, but he’s more fun when the anger is unleashed.
9) Kyle Okposo – Daniel Bryan
“YES! YES! YES! YES!” The Isles fans have grown to love Kyle Okposo about as much as the WWE Universe loves Daniel Bryan. Both Bryan and Okposo have their respective fan bases behind them 100% and have made themselves into superstars over the past year and a half now.
10) Frans Nielsen – Antonio Cesaro
The Great Dane is best comparable to the Great Swiss in Antonio Cesaro. Both do all the little things, and are finally getting credit for doing so, but Isles fans have known about the Great Dane for years now.
11) Josh Bailey – John Cena
Love him or hate him, as most Isles fans do, the WWE Universe does the same with John Cena. Cena’s been able to “Rise Above Hate”, but Bails just can’t get his game going and keep it going. Maybe he should simplify like Cena has and he’ll “rise above” too.
12) Thomas Hickey – Christian
Some people hate him, some people are indifferent to him, and some like him. Both know how to get a reaction out of the crowd either way.
13) Lubomir Visnovsky – Randy Orton
Solely compared for their ability to strike out of nowhere, whether it’s Lubo’s slap-shot or Orton’s RKO, both are vicious and deadly when they connect.
Donovan and de Haan are always flying around the rink these days, making plays and looking strong while doing so, bringing energy and getting fans excited, much like the Usos do for the WWE Universe. High-flyers alike, both units add speed, energy and excitement whenever they’re out there.
15) Radek Martinek – Santino Marella
You ever wonder why/how Radek Martinek is still a member of the Isles? Well, so do the WWE fans about Santino sometimes.
16) Eric Boulton – Sheamus
A brawler like no other, Eric Boulton is definitely the Sheamus of the Isles. You just never know when it’s time for Boulton to go “Brogue”.
17) Michael Grabner – Kofi Kingston
The speed of these two, and energy they bring is amazing, but both have been unable to put the end-game together, and fail to get the job done most nights.
18) Anders Nilsson – Great Khali
Both are giants in comparison to the rest of the players, but don’t quite know how to use their size to an advantage. Well, at least Anders doesn’t. The Great Khali is one that knows an advantage when he gets it, though sometimes he fails to take advantage.
19) Kevin Poulin – The Miz
Both were rushed into the spotlight, and now had it taken away from them. It’s kind of tough for them to stay in the spotlight when you aren’t really given a fair chance to be there.
So there you have it, let the debates begin. And seriously, let’s have some fun with what I said. I’d love to hear your opinion.