By now we know that the unfortunate happened last night; the Islanders came up short in the Stadium Series game against the Rangers. Yes, the defense did not stand tall. Yes, the offense went missing. But, what went on behind the scenes is more of the story. The real reason the Islanders lost? Hint: He was on the ice, but not during the game. If you want to blame anyone for this tough loss? Blame this man:
Yes, that’s right. Cee-Lo Green caused the Islanders to lose last night. His performance was so bad, so mind numblingly stupid, that it took the Islanders’ focus away from the game. They came out relatively flat in the first. No one on either team was really able to get anything going. It was really because of Cee-Lo. People just could not get his solo version of the Gnarls Barkley song “Crazy”, out of their heads. Between the bad music, and that he looks like a human T-Rex, things got off to an inauspicious start.
After another woeful performance by the fur-clad crooner, this time of his hit single, “Forget You”, The teams were able to muster one goal a piece in a 40 second span during the 2nd period. But, after that the Isles just got not shake Cee-Lo. It was like a bad nightmare that wouldn’t go away.
In the third period, again the Isles came out sluggish. The thought of Cee-Lo Green in that ridiculous outfit just could not be removed from the Islanders’ collective subconscious. Give the Yankee Stadium crew credit, they tried to right a wrong. They played music from the cast of BeatleMania between the 2nd and 3rd periods. But, it was to no avail. I don’t know if it was the thought of the backup dancers, Cee-Lo’s little hands, the terrible music, his shiny earrings, or the fact that he has absolutely nothing to do with hockey and New York, but Evgeni Nabokov somehow lost sight of the puck and let up the winning goal to Daniel Carcillo, 4:27 into the third.
It was a tough loss for the Isles who clearly needed the win.
“I just don’t know what happened. One minute we were out there working our tails off, and then like a bad dream, Cee-Lo memories came flashing back and it seemingly affected us all at the same time,” said Islanders captain John Tavares.
When interviewed by his best buddy Stan Fischler after the game, Islanders’ goalie Evgeni Nabokov had similar sentiments as Tavares.
“Who was that funny looking man?”, Nabokov said. “All game long I could not stop thinking about his singing and how awful it was. Then I got to thinking, what was he even doing here? Who invited him? Were the other 8.3M people in NYC busy?”
Coach Jack Capuano had a slightly different take. “Listen, the guy isn’t exactly Frank Sinatra, but what can you do? We didn’t choose the music. Personally I am disappointed they couldn’t get a great talent like Yanni to perform. Man, have you ever heard his Live at the Acropolis album? There simply is nothing better.”
“Regardless,” Cappy bemused, “this is a game we really needed. I truly wish that guy would have stayed home. But, we have to be more mentally strong. We need to fight through these kind of situations. I just hope that we never have to see this kind of atrocity again. Last week we got a pretty brutal call against us vs St. Louis. This may in fact have been worse.”
The Isles will be back at it at MSG on Friday night, and hopefully Cee-Lo will not be in attendance.
*Of course, this is a parody. None of the Islanders interviewed post-game had anything to say about the man or the performance.