Five Satirical Resolutions for the 2015 NY Islanders

As the New York Islanders continue their best start to a season in years, there are a TON of things that the team needs to do. Every game there are players who miss the mark and decisions that put the team in an AWFUL spot. So, what do the Isles need to do?

1) Fall behind early

– How dare head coach Jack Capuano‘s team get their nose out in front early and often? You know, being ahead in the game is a sin. What will happen if fans get upset that the team gives up that lead and goes on to lose? In reality, the Islanders are only 26th in winning percentage when holding the lead after the first period, and 17th after the second period. That is not a very good statistic, but to be scared to have a bigger and bigger lead? Ridiculous.

2) The team must forget Chad Johnson‘s name

– This may make no sense, but for those that saw the Shannon Hogan-Anders Lee incident of the other night, they will understand it. Forgetting names leads to good things. On that night, the Islanders took over first place in the division. Forget that, but with games in hand over the Tampa Bay Lightning, first in the entire Eastern Conference is not so far out of sight. So, if forgetting one player’s name led to something good, why not forget another? Chad Johnson has not been exactly the backup goalie capable of being a starter that fans expected, but that could change. 5-5 on the still-young season, Johnson stepping up his performance could be huge in not only getting more wins for the team, but a level of comfort to allow Capuano to rest Johnson. Forget that man’s name!

3) If the Islanders fall behind the Penguins for good in the division, fire Jack Capuano

– You know, coming in second place in any division in the National Hockey League is bad, right? If your team of choice has been borderline irrelevant for a number of years, that is even worse. They MUST beat the big, bad Pittsburgh Penguins and MUST be the best team in the division and league. Period. End of Story.

4) Complain that John Tavares is not playing his best yet

Is it not true that Tavares is supposed to be one of the superstars of the league for years to come? He is ONLY 19th in the NHL in points this season: 13th in goals scored and 51st in assists. What is wrong with him? The Islanders can only rise from the bottom of the league to be a good team if he is leading the way with his very best! Oh, wait…

5) No! No! No! The Rangers cannot be good!

If the New York Rangers, Rags, annual better team than the Islanders, whatever you want to call them, are anywhere in the vicinity of Long Island’s team in the standings, the year is a failure. Since, you know, winning the Stanley Cup pretty much 100 percent depends on how one team in the entire league fairs throughout the season. Since, the regular season matters so much anyway. They better not make the playoffs and potentially play the Penguins! It would be a huge problem if the city dwellers pose a threat to a team that on a rgeular basis is better than the Isles, the Penguins.

Sound silly yet? At the end of the day, the New York Islanders are not playing good hockey. They are playing GREAT hockey. A couple of years ago, when the Islanders snuck into the playoffs and gave the Penguins a run for their money, they were playing on a FAR lower level than they are on their off days today. Jaroslav Halak has been a pleasant surprise for fans, and one loss once in a while is not the end of the world. Neither is two losses, or sometimes even three. As long as the team stays on the pace they have so far, or somewhere near it, this 2014-2015 season will go down as one of the best in recent memory.